mine never ending

welcome to another never ending story. it's not unfinished business yet, for me it's unfinished relationship. anyway, thank God that we're still good. u know that God works in a mysterious way, so i believe that he will show me the way of good path. i just cant speak any words but repeating ur feeling. we're just too complex, in a good way of course. life can be so surprising, I'll take any surprise whether its good or bad. i have faith that i can through it.

it's not about love, not yet. we're just to far away from that. by now, i just feel so comfortable next to him. without have to explain what we've been through together. i dont need to explain anything, so do u. so, this is it, been through day by day with u and been saving all my feeling for u.

i care for u, and someday i'll love u :))))))))))

about lost

u know that losing a part of ur family is one hurting and very deeply sad down low. ive been so traumatic paranoid insecure. this is the lost of my dogs im talking about. jojo and loli have been precious in my hmm our life. i love them, my family too. and now i do hate dogs haters. sometimes, the tears just fall apart when i think about them. now i know how it feels, losing someone.

anyhow, i just hope that they are doing okay. im sure they know i love them.

.miss you like so much jojo loli.

new PRINCE of my life

"helloooooo my name is PRINCE"
i have him, new comer of my family, my 5 months baby rottweiler. he's such a cutie, VERY CUTIE puppy as everyone can see.
"so, meet me few months later and i'll bite u down :D"
cheersssss

my attraction

apa point-point yg bisa buat loe tertarik, suka, sayang ama laki-laki?
klo gue, hmmm let me think..
firstly pasti penampilan fisik yaaaaa. yg sesuai ama versi gue. menarik secara fisik buat gue.
abis itu ngobrol-ngobrol kecil yg umum kayak "ohh, tnyt loe tmnnya si ini? orgnya seru kan.."
"kenal sm si ini ga? kenal sm si itu ga?" yaaa obrolan-obrolan kyk gt sih yg bisa bikin adanya chemistry.
dr seringnya ngobrol, mulai terbuka, mulai nyaman pastilah timbul lg rasa yg lain..itu sih udah tergantung pribadinya masing-masing aja yaaaa..
tp ada hal-hal kecil yg bikin gue bs lebih ngeliat dia dibanding tmn co gue yg lainnya.
perhatiannya yg pas pd porsinya. ga lebih ga kurang. kyk contohnya..disaat gue lg kedinginan, dgn refleks dia minjemin jaketnya tnpa gue hrs minta. gue ga blg yg lain ga perhatian sih..tapiiii, yg lain ga segitu cepetnya buat merhatiin keadaan ce-ce disekitarnya. dan dia bs pas aja merhatiin gue tanpa buat gue jd sick of ama co-co yg perhatiannya suka dibuat-dibuat itu.
cm 1 org ini yg tau detail part of me tanpa gue hrs jelasin, tanpa gue crt sebelumnya.
thats why i always care for him, but just thats it. i wont go too much if he doesnt want me to go that much. and it just happens as it does.

world mine

WELCOME TO MY SHITTY WORLD !
it's allowing to talk shit, to have free thought and own opinions. yet it wont going to judge.
it very opens to debate and argument with bitchy intuition. but surely closed by bitch itself.




SAY HELLO TO GOSSIPING !
one of the guilty pleasure which very indulges. kind of shitty talks with f-ing friends as dear friends. we're just gossiping, we're not going to give statement.
it's my shitty world, anyway..
grateful to have it as pleasure as through it with mine.

how bout yours ?

other precious

other precious are my boys and my girls. call me insane, but im freaking out if they're not there. the silly-billy things that we have done, the gossiping, the serious-talking-time, the wondering time, also the saddest time. could never forget about that. also couldnt forget about them.

many thanks, much kisses, more hugs..

.luv.

precious

those whom i called the precious of my life. i heart u all so damn much !

.THE FAMILY, d'bambangs.

bapak. ibu. bobob. dea

those whose worth to be loved. our moment and togetherness are something priceless and countless

dhika, uni, kia, vika, dimas, bobob, dea

.jojo.

the beautiful creature has been made for me

this is me

this is what i usually did. jaga jarak ama perasaan. memerintahkan otak untuk membuat perasaan gue sesuai dgn apa yg gue mau. so, i dont have to feel that 'trapped by feeling'. klo gue lg pgn ngerasain senang berlebihan pas dpt telp dr laki" yaaahhh command it to ur feeling, klo lg pgn tau rasanya sakit hati pas sms ga dibls ama co itu, just command it.

sometimes it does work, tp itu yg buat org" blg klo gue ga punya hati. krn apa yg keluar dr omongan dan kelakuan gue menunjukkan klo gue heartless. PADAHAL GA KAYAK GT ! gue ttp pny hati tp MUNGKIN hati ini jg gue pake buat org" yg gue anggep pantes buat dapetinnya. MUNGKIN gue ga kyk ce" pd umumnya yg bs dgn amat sangat GAMPANG ngasi hati mereka ke laki". gue amat sangat merhargai apa yg mereka lakukan, dan jg apa yg mereka omongin ke gue. gpp, that ur opinion. tp, THIS IS ME. like it or not. emg hanya org" tertentu yg bs ngerti jalan pikiran gue..

human thing

For many people, they think that is not rite. For me, it’s human thing.
I feel sumthing. But its just sumthing. None of my body parts tell lies.
I am one whose manipulate things. For my own f-ing pleasure.
For the reason of properly I keep it in mine. Is that mine would be yours?
Im willing to be yours. To indulge u.
Still in my way to make my own sumthin.
I aint player, im playful though.
Im the angel of joy to having all part of rapturous.
I choose to ignore a bitter issues about me. Im just listening but careless.
I give u pleasure with my attribute of my attraction.
The picture of mine worth a thousand words and my words reflect a thousand senses.
My sense represent the deepest part of what I feel.

kiss addict

im on total conscious while that moment. it has been soooo..tempting.
no guilty feeling, no commitment, not involve with a kind of 'in a relationship' thing, and no demand of anything.
i just thinking this is kind of delight. to dealing with the touch of my own senses which have always been reminding.
i never have a thought that is one of my guilty pleasure yet it's deeply pleasure having the kind of kissing with you.

the kissing, deeply meaningful. surely addicted by kiss while im kissing with a man whose worth with mine.

when i..

when i try to suck everything down then i try to make everything suck
when i try to deny everything then i know that there's something cant be denied
when i try to be patient then i know that there isnt something comes in rush
when i try to fall in love then i know that im in damn fool
when i become complicated then i know that i try to find myself in the other mine
when i try to be somebody else's lover then i realize that im somebody else's someone

lovers and friends =)

somehow sometimes somewhere i may think about friendship. for more spesific, friendship of man and woman. i guess every people try to find it with their own ways. due to friendship itself, i think thats the kind of relationship to take care each other, to make urself comfy with him or her, to make him or her stays in that position to just hang on believe u. trust is first thing to make a friendship for alive.

so, whats the different with the relationship of lover couple? i find myself comfortable, lay, happy, grateful, sad, lovely, silly with them. based on believe, trust, care, and passion then love grows. ive been there kind of relationship-friendship. ive done the bestfriend thing and somehow it turns over to do the lover do. i enjoy it. despite the fact that we're just bestfriend but cant regret that somehow we're in love. love the togetherness, enjoy the careness, comfort with his touch, trust him in every ways. but doesnt surround with jealousy. thx god i have all things to make my life completely complex with beautiful intrique flirt inside. thx for my boys who have been made it fun and unforgetable. although it hurts sometimes but i prefer to resist that feeling to make it looks perfect for me. so i dont have to desperate being just his bestfriend. if u want flawlessly then make it flawless. so whats ur thought about friendship of man and woman? whom my heart give to one of them.

back then and then

am i falling in love? or lost in love? or feel in lust? or i've been fool by the feeling itself? i dont know..am i worth for someone? am i worth for the feeling?
i know that is hard being not complicated. and so easy being complicated. how to be easy as it does?

i have my own faith. i dont want to regret everything. always try find a way to see how life would bring me. i have no fear of love. i just make it real and happen as it does. 

*it's just something i dedicate to him (back then) :

dearest him..these are things u should know..
i love u. i do care for u. but im happier to see u glad. with me or with someone else. i’ll always open my heart for u. i’ll always heart u. u have the biggest part of my heart back then, for now and then. i don’t wanna waste my time wait 4 u. but wherever and whenever u want to open ur heart for me..just ask me..and it’s a pleasure to give my answer..ciao !

something

something i havent seen wasnt something i havent felt.
something i havent felt wasnt something i havent touch.
and something i havent seen, felt, and touch are coming from ur HEART.
would u give me that? i dont need the whole thing..i just need some..

dont u see?
dont u feel?
can u touch me that way?

i learn a lot from u.
from the way u ignore me.
from the way u dismiss me.
and from the way u hurt.

i take that as a good lesson of my life coz our life not always about happiness. love. hurt. passion. care. sad. tears. betrayer. friendship is the beauty of life whole package. the more u feel of the more u learn about happiness. it will always about journey of betrayed, take and give, and comfortable.

to that boy

am i tired of all things have been happened ? yes sometimes. but take a lesson from all things have been happening. from good, bad, sad, and wonderful things. i've been learning from the tears and laughs, cheers and betrays. from friendship and relationship.

if one boy could make me down, the other boys make me so great.
but the one and only boy makes me being myself, doesnt have to pretend everything, he takes me to the place where i should be..
he's not the one that i love, but believe me..he's the i wanna be with..to be my friend, bestfriend, lover, brother..
i'm not in love with you, but i'm willing to do everything for you. if i weren't meant for u..go find good girl..
i'll happy to see you both and proud to see you live properly you should.

cheersss boy ! ! hope to love you..

...

i'm here. down in my loneliness. without having any thoughts of u. i just need time to have it for my own. when the time will come? i dont know. try to not think about that. just try to through with the best way of myself could.

guess sometimes i go by thoughtful but runs spontaneous more. with learn by done and my thought nowadays i can make any deal without have to suck down. he still stands for whom i already deal with tell no lies and be honest for those deal. no regret at all and find that love life would be amazingly wonderful beating if done by properly as it does.

we could be in circle of everything good if we no take for grant. i know how to fall for relationship and to feel for be loved. i know how to grateful for him. And i know how to love him for my own reason of loving.

mystery tell

i know that there's something left untold. to lived by God's playing. i called it a mystery. to follow his rules and through the journey he has made for as best as i can do. i have no demand of anything but no expectation. though it's so abandoning to have a thought of something, but still there's a boundary to do a thing. just try to build my conscious up, to face reality with smile, to grown up with beautiful mind, to see him happy with or without me. yes, some thing better left as a mystery. no never ending story. i left it for the story (that) maybe would end hopefully with him.

*write down when the emotion beats down the rationality. for some reason, i feel so desperate yet i know that is so useless to feel that way, im just human though.

upcoming 2009

2008

about love and life
some people come into my live and quickly go. some people come and uncertainly go. only few people stick right there back then for now and then. i have a good relationship though.
my senses represent the deepest part of what i feel. what is wrong yet feels right although my mouth wouldnt tell of it. i let other reflect with their senses whether it represents wrong or right.

one thing precious
im a quite messy person although when it comes to ruin everything, i always have the best way to clean it up to be a sparkling shine as it does so it could be worth for the mess itself.

for the 2009
ill always fulfill it completely. with the whole package of journey within precious, priceless, thoughtful, miserable, pathetic, delightful to wonderful unforgettable.

cheers everyone ^_^
wishing u all to be a better person.

my,, oh,, myself

how can i describe about myself? let me try,,though kinda hard to identify by my own self.

im a woman yet a mature girl i guess =) always trying to be kind, friendly, cheerful, and helpful. guess i already made it. i know it from some testimonials my friends gave to me. im 24,,one of my bitch called me FFN as Fun Fearless Ninis. tell u later bout this thing.
based on characteristics of me..im playful. i do have a lot of fun. but i wont make fun for some cases that i cant be. people saysi dont really care bout the commitment although i love to be in relationship. in my opinion, commitment is an important thing that i cant ruin if im there. having commitment with someone it's like one next level where i have to convince myself first cos it has a lot of risk. i have no faith to have it now. but i love to be in good relationship with everyone. dont get me wrong but i love to be surrounded with men, boys, or guys..yeah whatever u name it as long they have their tools, straight, nice, charming, and kind. i have no typical for them. just need to make them comfy, fit in, caring him not yet loving him.
i live my life as best as i can do. yes i through it with hurts, happiness, betrayer, tears, laughs, flirts, sucks and any other shit u could say. u know that life is not just about good cos sometimes shit happens when u least expected. but the point is not bout that. in my point of view is about how i could through bad times, struggling, standing and learning bout live a life itself.
im open minded realistic spontaneous unique. listen of what people say even though i choose to ignore a bitter issues about me. never pretend every single thing about me. my family, my besties, my bitches know me too well so i dont have no worry about people's fucking quote. do what i wanna do and take the risk by my own. have a different thought of something where people always saying that it's not right, it's human thing though.
sooo, that's my summary of myself. im not going to explain it spesific. cos the best thing is knowing me by urself. u wont never regret to know me =) cos im the angel of sins whose give u satisfaction with my own way.

*luv*

stagnation

what are u gonna do when ur life on stagnation?
im on stagnation. just do routine things. wake up, make coffee, turn on comp, have a little chit chat, browse, write, watch tv, take a shower, sleep, eat, and goes like that almost everyday. bored huh? HELL YEAH ! but i try to make it fun. i set my mind to not get bored with that routine. so i wont stuck in boredom. u know,now i really enjoy that routine shit. and lately, my days with the routine things still make my life doing great.
i make my own things in life =)
anyway, have u made it with ur own?
cheerssss ;p